Tuesday, April 17, 2012

i'm glad you're all such good friends.

let's face it, old people are gross. if you're an old person and you're reading this, just fess up. i'm in my 20s so therefore i have an undeserved sense of accomplishment and think i know everything, and you're an old person whose skin is literally sloughing off.

my opinion is in the minority, however, when it comes to old people on tv. everyone i know loooves the golden girls. it's a weird 80s sitcom featuring 3 old women and a transvestite living together and getting it on. i can't fathom its popularity. why in the world would i want to watch old people talking about sex? ick.

that's an actual line from the show up there...

yet its popularity reigns on. i'd seen the show before but only a couple times. my friends and i are all alike in the fact that we like pretty things, photography, weird humor, and vintage. however, i think i'm the only one that doesn't like the golden girls. every one of my pals has tried to get me to watch it and i've said no. i don't think i should have had to turn down a show about old women doing it so many times. and never did i think i'd be accosted in my home by my own HUSBAND.

c'mon dude! since when do guys like the golden girls? isn't it even MORE wrong to picture old ladies dating as a guy? isn't that why old men still continue to date much younger women? because old people are gross??

but nope, kevin loves this show and one surprising day it showed up on our television. he chirped off the same refrain i'd heard before, "you'll like it! it's super hilarious! come on! old people talking about doing it! tee hee."

seriously? why would that ever be a selling point?

there are so many things wrong with this show. first off, the biggest barrier: how does dorothy get a date, ever? she looks like a man, she has terrible hair and she wears super gross 80s clothing. there's an episode when she discusses spanish fly. she goes into detail with rose about spanish fly so as to get her minks to have sex. what? how could i make this up, and in what world do i want to hear two old ladies discuss aphrodisiacs in order to help their pets to get it on?

it's freaking weird to live with your mother and 2 roommates at 60 something years old. i admire their attitude, living outside the box and all. it's still strange, though.

the whole show is just 80s ridiculousness. Quirky situations with easy solutions and silly wisecracks. It's like punky brewster with old people. and given the choice between punky brewster, and old people version of punky brewster...


or this?

i mean, punky had brandon and that kickass treehouse. maybe if Christopher Lloyd (that's right, there's a second christopher lloyd out there. he looks much less crazy and he worked on the golden girls. he appears to be the opposite of the other lloyd in many ways...) had put all of those bitches in a brewster/darling style tree and/or clubhouse, i would be more into the idea of the golden girls. they could have discussed baby sitting and make up instead of feelings and one night stands. 

maybe if adam reed remade the golden girls in a blaze of awesome the way christopher nolan blew new life into the batman series... actually if that happened i would become the golden girls' number one fan. instead of 3 women and a transvestite it could be one kickass lady and 3 zombies. yes. i would watch that absolutely. 

somebody make that happen before betty white dies.