Monday, January 16, 2012

numbers are hard.

today at work we had a gentleman come and talk to us about setting up our 401k. he was very nice and tried to his hardest to explain everything clearly. unfortunately, when you're dealing with a total math and logic retard, your hardest sometimes isn't good enough.

he kept using these adult terms like "fund" and "investment". i was baffled, but i had already asked like 3 questions. i didn't want to interrupt him to be like, "look dude. what the fuck are you talking about?" instead i just sat there, intermittently nodding when he made eye contact with me (which is important in faking like you understand). there were definite points where i thought things were making sense, and i could see myself as an old lady living the life of preplanned luxury. however, then we'd turn a page or advance a section and the sad image of 70 year old me paying for support hose with pennies would float before my eyes. it didn't help that he kept referring to our 401k as "john hancock". i just remember thinking, "wtf does that guy have to do with anything?" apparently it's the name of the company. my bad.

 i was told i was going to get to miss work for an hour to go to a meeting about retirement. how awesome does that sound? missing work to talk about when you never have to work again. sign me up! i didn't mentally prepare for it. i didn't remember to coach my brain, to remind it that numbers and math and money was going to be the subject for the next hour. going from talking cat ipad apps and rampant autism to grown up money conversation is hard when you don't prepare. it was just all too much for me to handle.

it'll probably be ok, because kevin will figure it out. if he ever dies, i'm totally boned though. he better make it until at least 90 or something...