Wednesday, January 4, 2012

what happened to coldplay

don't act confused. "what do you mean, 'what happened to coldplay?'" shut up, dude. don't be an ignorant toad. their latest album is terrible. it's garbage. what happened?

here are a couple of, i think, plausible explanations as to what went wrong with their latest piece of work.

theory #1:
chris martin couldn't get inspired so he pulled words out of a hat and just went with it.

i could see this happening.

why put terrible in the hat, you ask? well naysayer, maybe he wanted to juxtapose some themes, make some clashes, shake things up. he's chris freakin' martin; he doesn't have to explain himself to you.

 theory #2:
a little white lie got waaay out of hand.

personally, i think theory #1 is more plausible, but theory #2 makes chris martin look like a nice guy. sort of.

theory #3:
they traded their talent for something from the sea witch. 

maybe they wanted to be mermaids for 3 days.

i have to say, i would be down for hanging out with ursula. she's pretty badass. she manages to smear dead anemone on her face and make it look like awesome lipstick. she could teach me how to destroy the whales. or enslave them...